why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
