I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Two words: nipple clamps
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