finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize