Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
