dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
