I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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