i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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