"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
