i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
