meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
