So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
