Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he shaved USA in his pubs
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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