She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
