You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
