Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
