After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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