He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
