Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
