don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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