I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize