No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
