I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
