i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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