Having a random hookup so left but love u
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
