addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
