I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
