stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
