my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
