i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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