I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
