He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize