thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize