He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All the doctor said was why
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
