then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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