yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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