I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
