I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
