Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
