I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize