yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
