remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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