Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
