I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
