life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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