I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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