im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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