Don't you send me to vm
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
