Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
