never play flip cup with pint glasses
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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