maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
