I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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