Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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