Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
