Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize