u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
