Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
