I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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