just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My vagina just clenched in fear
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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