So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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