He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
