This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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