oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize