So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
