i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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