How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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