Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
