Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
