I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Two words: blizzard sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
