the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize