OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
